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 I've lost a lot of weight over the past several years. Sometimes it surprises people who haven't seen me in a while. The first thing they usually want to know is what pill I tried or fad "brussel sprout and rice cake" diet I've been on. To say it shocks them when I tell them that it was through hard work and dedication, is an understatement. The conversation usually goes something like this:
Fat Acquaintance: "WOW!! You look great! What have you been doing to lose weight?"
Me: "Nothing special, eat less, exercise more. You know, what most experts suggest" *shrugs*
FA: "oh, really?" *disappointed tone.* "so you haven't been popping 12 magic pills a day?"
Me: "No, sorry, no silver bullet here. I just try to eat right and eat less. Definitely exercise more. It's been a lot of hard work and sure there have been some set backs, but well worth it!"
FA: "Oh....hmm...well good for you" *still disappointed, kicks the ground* "Well I just got done with the latest brussels sprout and rice cake diet, don't know if you can tell. Yeah, its big over in Europe right now. I coupled that with the exploding colon pill last year and I lost 30 pounds!!"
Me: "Reeeeeaaaaalllyyy" *raises eyebrow* (and just look at my pictures, people NOTICE when I raise an eyebrow!) "So tell me more about it. How'd that work for you?"
FA: "Like I said, I lost 30 pounds but then I gained it ALL back plus 10 pounds. You know how those holidays are?" *elbows me in ribs*
Me: "No, not really. You know, you should really just save all that money that you're spending on pills that don't work and put it towards a gym membership. I guarantee that eating less and exercising more is a much better payoff."
FA: "Yeah, but I don't know, memberships are so long term and well it just seems like such a...commitment and I don’t know… work."
Me: "Riiight! Because anal leakage and eating nothing but brussels sprouts seems so much more...appetizing!" Look, I don't want to seem like an ass and honestly, I'm probably the nicest guy you'll ever meet. I will help ANYONE with their health and fitness goals. For example, I love bicycling and I will ride with any of my friends, regardless of their fitness level and I’ll truly enjoy the time in the saddle. On the other hand I'm not going to lie to you folks, losing weight and keeping it off is HARD work. I've worked my butt off (literally) and I hate it when people try to throw their crack-pot ideas my way. You know like when I say that I’ve lost close to 80 pounds and a FA says something like..."well once I lost 20 pounds eating only Oreos." Really?!? How'd that one turn out for ya? Ready for your insulin shot yet? Bottom line, yes losing weight is very hard but like the saying goes, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything. Isn't living to see your grandchildren worth sacrificing that second helping of twice baked potatoes? So in order to keep conversations like the one above more interesting for the FAs of the World, I'm considering changing my mantra from "Eat Less, Exercise More." To "Eat Less, Exercise More and Have lots of amazing sex." Yep you read that right, have lots of amazing sex! See what I've also come to notice is that when I'm with my GF I'm not hungry. I don't even think about food. All I think about is how amazing her company is, how beautiful she is and how much sex with her ROCKS! We can spend a whole weekend in bed eating nothing but crap and I will STILL lose weight. I'll give you an example: our last weekend getaway was in Reno. We ate maybe one big meal a day. It was usually at 2pm and would consist of steak and LOADS of carbs. We drank some really great red wine (some beer too) and usually topped it off with a decadent dessert. Ready for the kicker? I STILL managed to lose 7 pounds!! That's not too bad of a fad diet now is it? So the next time I run into FA, I envision the conversation going more like this: Fat Acquaintance: "WOW!! You look great! What have you been doing to lose weight?"
Me: "Nothing special. I've been eating less, exercising more <pause for effect> and having TONS of sex!"
FA: "Oh...really?" *excited tone and totally interested* "Tell me more about your diet!"
Me: "You heard right. No silver bullet, no magic pill. Just eat less, exercise more and have lots and lots of sex!"
FA:"OH! WOW! That's awesome! Good for you. Don't know if you can tell but I lost 30 pounds. Of course I gained it all back plus 10 more pounds. I just got done with the European brussels sprout and rice cake diet. It sucked." * totally excited now* "Man! Your plan seems so much more...FUN!!!"
Me:"Yeah, its pretty simple. See, when you have an incredibly hot partner who you are VERY into, you really don't feel much like eating. Then if you have copious sex (especially vigorous sex!) you burn calories! So really you are exercising more AND eating less. Dude, trust me. The exercise is SO much more fun!"
FA: "WOW! Well sign me up!"
Me: "It's great that you're excited, but you're just going to have to find your own hot partner... I can't help you there!" So here are my amended tips (I should really pay more attention to myself) for losing weight: track my daily food intake avoid fast food at all costs track my weekly progress take my daily supplements eat 6 small meals per day read Men's Health and other health and fitness related information (blogs, books etc.) drink lots of water blog about my progress have lots of sex
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